Get Messy

(This edited version includes the corrected date for our Meditation session. It is Monday, June 1 (not June 8). It will always be the first Monday of the month from 6 pm - 7 pm.)

Write outside the lines. Yup. That’s me. I could never stay in the lines in coloring books. I couldn’t pay attention long enough to finish a picture, before moving on to the next page, the next assignment, the boy next to me. In those days (the 70s), this wasn’t called ADD. It was a sign that the child had a mind of her own, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

We did some cleaning out of the basement this weekend and I came across excellent finds, including this report from Home Economics class in 1977:

In danger of failing because I turn in half-finished shit and refuse to sew a skirt. Just look at my signature - that is one proud girl! and then there are the Personal Attitude and Habits:

N: Displays adequate self-control

N: Exhibits courtesy and cooperation

The “N’s” mean NO. I did not have self-control, and I did not cooperate.

I clearly remember this class. I was 14 years old. The summer before, I barely survived a harrowing accident, falling through a glass shower door. I spent a few months in a wheelchair. My left arm was paralyzed and in a contraption that pulled my wrist and each finger up by springs so the muscles would not atrophy. There’s more, but I’ll leave it at that for now.

Joan Brubaker, whose signature is at the bottom of this report, had to know that. Everyone in Pikesville knew that. I was lucky to be alive. Looks like Joan passed away in 2021 (https://www.tributearchive.com/obituaries/48158439/joan-terry-brubaker). I’m sure she was just doing her job.

Paying attention, staying organized, and participating in activities like stirring cake batter and sewing pot holders were no longer on my agenda. The size of my signature on that piece of paper alone tells me that I didn’t give a fuck and I never would. I was a fourteen-year-old kid covered in scars, whose arm was sewn back on. No way would I be wasting my time sewing a stupid skirt. I’m so sorry, Mrs. Brubaker, if I gave you a hard time, but life got messy, and I was moving on.

This is how I write now. I get messy, really messy. I spill it all out on the page, in a kind of feverish haze, not paying attention to spelling or grammar, or what I’m getting wrong, dates that are off, names I forgot, towns I was in. That’s not important, at first. What is important is that I get it on the page. That I get it out of my head once and for all.

A giant wave of “phew”, an exhale so complete, my shoulders fall, my stomach concaves, and my belly button reaches for my spine. Inhale only to exhale more deeply again. I did it. I got it out and I didn’t die.

Then comes the hard work. The revising, the researching, the rehashing. And revising again. Leaving it for a day, a week, a month, a year, and coming back to it with fresh eyes.

THIS is how we write. Ann Lamott calls it “the shitty first draft.” I like to think of it as the messy first draft. It’s not shitty at all, just messy. It’s writing outside the lines.

Come write with me:

My next Zoom class is on Tuesday evenings, June 9-30, 6 pm - 7:30 pm. Details HERE. This special summer 4-week class is designed to encourage you to work on one essay, write, revise, move things around, learn what works and what doesn’t. We all need a deep dive into our pieces, rather than discarding them to the “works in progress” file, never to be seen again. It deserves to be seen again!

In-Person writing salon at Brooklandville station is on Thursday, June 11, 11 am - 1 pm: Details HERE. We meet on the second Thursday of the month to write together to a prompt, and share our work.

NEW! Not a writing class, but you might like to come anyway - we are meeting up on the first Monday of the month to meditate together — just like in the old days at my bookstore, breathe books. Our first gathering will be on Monday, June 1, 6 pm - 7 pm, at the Brooklandville Station. Details HERE.

My book, Seasonal Self-Care Rituals (woot woot, ‘cause we sold out of two runs of the hardback!!), just came out in paperback! I’ll be signing copies at my friend Elena Sonnino’s new, gorgeous, plant (and more) shop, The Thrive Sanctuary, on Sunday, June 14, 11 am - 1 pm. Details HERE.

Join me in-person at The Soul Center, June 18, 25, and July 2, 10 am - 12 pm to Write Outside the Lines! Details HERE. Gather your crayons, colored pencils, scissors, and glue sticks and get ready to write! A sketch pad and notebook can come along, too. Writing should be fun, but sometimes we approach it with dread, trepidation, woe. The inner critic gets hold of us and won’t let go. Perfectionism, distraction and inertia take hold. This process can help you create or re-establish your writing practice with a new approach and enthusiasm. This workshop focuses on the adventure of writing while introducing structure, including the art of the flashback, inserting memories, filling out backstory, and using dialogue effectively, among other techniques.

And we are going to try this again, as the Israel/US war on Iran canceled our flights and trip to India and Bhutan in March. If there is peace on earth, we are doing it again! Details HERE for Write & Roam India and Bhutan, September 5-15.

Making plans for next year? I’m SUPER excited to tell you that I’ll be at the Sivananda Ashram Bahamas, June 11-16, 2027. Details HERE.

And I’ll be at Kripalu, August 15-19, 2027, for a special extended writing retreat, allowing us time to work more deeply together, using craft, techniques and Ayurveda to deepen our writing practice. The registration link will be available soon.

I have a little secret — I’m exploring creating a Write & Roam & Wine Retreat in the medieval town of Guardia Sanframondi, Italy, in the fall of 2027. Make sure to be on my newsletter list to get the details first!

Many writers feel that they are writing into a void, that they are all alone. Reading other writers can help you feel connected and motivated. That’s why salons and classes are so effective - you are not alone! Here’s a link to Brevity’s spring issue - some inspiration! https://brevitymag.com/category/current-issue/

Phew!

Are you good? I hope so.

Stay cool.

Peace,

Susan